


A Window into My Soul

by Dexterous_Sinistrous



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski are Soulmates, M/M, Pining, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3290234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dexterous_Sinistrous/pseuds/Dexterous_Sinistrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles hates his soul eye. He hates it because it is not normal. Not that anything has ever been normal about Stiles. But at least he could explain away those 'faults' but what he can't explain away is why his soul eye is golden. Literally, golden.</p>
<p>In an attempt to not worry his dad, he convinces Scott to help him find contacts when his eye suddenly changes to blue. He all but has given up hope until the mysterious, extremely grumpy, Derek Hale walks into his life. Why would Derek give him any shred of hope? The way his soul eye happens to look identical to Stiles'. Like looking in a mirror and seeing his own soul staring back at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Window into My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this post ([x](http://danielsharman.co.vu/post/105867777547/werewolfzero-soul-mate-au-where-everybody-is)) and its tags. Which are wonderful.
> 
> There is also another wonderful fic that was done a little while ago, based off of this post as well. Go read it, it's fantastic! ([x](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3116960))
> 
> (This pretty much follows canon, as much as possible, with a little soulmate AU twist. And I had to alter some stuff, because the timeline in canon is so messed up.)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> **UPDATE 10/18/2015** : The lovely [artisticpixie](http://artisticpixie.tumblr.com/) created fanart based off of the final scene! With permission, I have embedded the image at the end of the fic. It's very lovely and you should send artisticpixie your love :3

Stiles was born with a golden eye. Nothing to do with ducks or James Bond like you would assume. His right eye was its normal color: a warm whiskey brown that he inherited from his mom. But his left eye, his soul eye, the one meant to tell him who his soulmate was, was golden. The doctors were shocked, to say the least. Though nobody has ever heard of a person born with golden eyes, the doctors tried to reassure Mr. and Mrs. Stilinski that their son would either grow out of the color, or his soulmate merely had an extreme case of heterochroma.

Stiles’ mom was always supportive and encouraging him not to give up hope. That there was someone out there with the same eyes as him, with a beautiful gold eye. She would tell him stories of how she met his dad, and that fate isn’t always so certain, but that life has many tough choices to make. And that sometimes, you just need to courage to take a leap of faith. And Stiles always wished he could make his mother proud and do just that. But something always held him back. He was afraid that after having all this hope and determination, he would ultimately discover that his soulmate simply didn’t exist. It wasn’t until after his mom’s death that he really started to hate his soul eye. Without his mother there to remind him about how unique it was to him, how it was an embodiment of his soulmate, he started to resent it.

So, to say Stiles hated his golden eye, was an understatement. He felt a bitterness in him for how it prompted everyone to ask him about it. To inquire why he had a golden soul eye. How he thought he was going to find his soulmate. _Because my soulmate is a freak. Probably a demon, so they will find me_.

“Any luck?” Stiles asked Scott as he walked into his bedroom, unceremoniously dropping all his stuff onto Scott’s bed for their sleepover.

“I thought she was the one,” Scott replied with a sigh. “But don't worry, dude. I’m not going to abandon you once I find them.” He refused to use the word ‘soulmate’ in front of Stiles, knowing he hated it.

“It just sucks that everyone else seems to find people no problem. I swear, everyone avoids me like a leper.” Stiles laughed with Scott, trying to lighten the mood.

A pang of pain rang through Stiles’ head before fixating on his left eye, a sharp throb making him cover it with his hand. He groaned loudly, his vision disappearing briefly. He started to panic, not knowing what the cause of the pain was.

“Stiles?” Scott asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

“My head feels like it is splitting,” Stiles almost screamed when the pain escalated, making it feel like someone twisted a knife in his eye. “Oh God,” he began to panic as he thought of reasons why this was happening. _Your eye will change to match your right when you are united with your soulmate. The color will, however, decay and disappear should your soulmate pass away before meeting you_ , the doctor’s voice rang through his head. “Dead. Oh God, no. My soulmate is dead!”

“Stiles, you don’t know that,” Scott tried to calm him down.

“Is it still there?” Stiles almost begged as he looked up at him, his eyelid fluttering open through the pain. “Is it still golden?!”

“Yes!” Scott almost yelled when Stiles took his shoulders and gently shook him. “I told you—” He cut himself off, his eyes widening.

“What?” Stiles asked, the moment of ease disappearing completely when he saw the concern in Scott’s eyes.

“It … ” Scott was inspecting Stiles’ eye carefully. “It changed.”

“What?” Stiles asked in confusion.

“Stiles, it’s not golden anymore,” Scott hesitated as he spoke. “It’s blue.”

Without another word, Stiles bolted into Scott’s bathroom. Scott followed after him, calling his name to try and calm him. Stiles didn’t bother to respond though, slamming through the door, not caring if he broke something on the other side. He halted in front of the sink, staring into the mirror, thinking that the closer he got to the mirror that perhaps his eye color would reveal itself to be unharmed.

_No. No, no, no, no!_ Stiles began to panic when he no longer saw the golden color staring back at him. It was replaced by an hauntingly ice blue color. The most unrealistic blue he could imagine was looking at him now.

“Stiles, I’m sure this doesn’t mean anything bad,” Scott explained as he approached him.

“Scott, it’s gone. They’re gone. My soulmate is gone!” Stiles began to panic.

“You don’t know that, Stiles. It’s a different color still. Maybe something happened where theirs changed,” Scott tried to calm Stiles, giving what he knew was a dumb reason. What could possibly change a person’s eye color besides the death of their soulmate? “Maybe your dad will know what to—”

“No! I can’t tell my dad,” Stiles stumbled. “He has too much to deal with right now. Maybe … Maybe I can wear contacts or something.”

Scott hesitated, knowing that telling Sheriff Stilinski would be for the best. But maybe Stiles had a point after all. The death of Stiles’ mom was still fresh in everyone’s minds, and Sheriff Stilinski was struggling to even bring himself to come home every night. Stiles had started to spend almost every night sleeping over Scott’s, an attempt at pretending his mom wasn’t really gone.

“I think that gothic store in the mall still sells contacts,” Scott finally offered.

“Yeah, okay. I think that should work. I could probably walk—”

“Dude, you’re not walking to the mall,” Scott stated. “I’ll ask my mom to take us.”

“Don’t you think your mom is going to recognize that my eye color changed?” Stiles asked.

“You could wear my sunglasses,” Scott offered. “We’ll just say the contacts are for a Halloween party or something.”

“Alright,” Stiles finally agreed.

“We’ll figure it out, Stiles. I promise,” Scott stated as he placed his hand on his shoulder.

Stiles only continued to stare into the mirror, not knowing what to make of the situation. The blue only glared back at him, and he knew his dreams were going to be haunted by it. For years, he was convinced that the gold had ruined his life, but now that it was gone, he missed it. Its familiarity, its comfort. He watched his mom die, his dad being beaten down by it, knowing he lost his soulmate. And every time Stiles thought about how miserable his dad was, he envied him, in a way. His father found his soulmate and lived a life with her. It was cut short, but he at least got to experience the thrill and joy of having a soulmate. And he felt like shit for thinking about it that way. After his mom’s death, the only comfort he felt was when he looked in the mirror, seeing the gold glowing brightly back at him. But now, this blue murdered everything the gold had stood for. It completely ruined his life.

Years passed spent wearing gold contacts that fooled everyone but Stiles. He could tell everything that was wrong with the contact. The way it wasn’t perfectly golden. The way it didn’t match what he lost. He was always careful whenever he took the contact out, afraid his father might wake him up or see him before he had a chance to get it in.

It wasn’t until the fateful day when Stiles and Scott were combing through the woods in search of Scott’s missing inhaler after the animal attack, that Stiles was truly disappointed with his left eye. It was Derek ‘This is private property’ Hale who made Stiles stare, open mouth gaping. It wasn’t just his body, face and all around perfectness that made Stiles gape, though. It was his soul eye. His beautiful, warm honey brown eye that made Stiles hope—pray—that he wasn’t imagining things. That maybe he did have a soulmate. Maybe he was meant to be with this leather jacket wearing, tall, mysterious, and stoically brooding guy. _Man. Definitely a man_ , Stiles corrected himself. It was Derek’s right eye that crushed his hopes and dreams; his belief that he wasn’t a freak and actually had someone. Derek’s right eye was a beautiful star burst of green. Ordinary, human green. Nothing golden or ice blue about it.

Derek closely watched Stiles, but it wasn’t the first time someone stared at Stiles’ eye. It was however, the first time someone seemed genuinely interested in his eye. Not shocked, but almost … _hopeful?_

Stiles rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with Derek as he turned to Scott, hoping that he would have a way to get out of this. But it was Derek who walked away, leaving a very star-struck Stiles and an equally confused Scott.

“Dude, that was Derek Hale.” Scott stared blankly at Stiles. “You remember, right? He’s only like a few years older than us.”

“Remember what?”

“His family. They all burned to death in a fire, like ten years ago.” Okay, he was exaggerating, it was shorter than ten years ago. But he had to give some credit to Scott not being able to remember anything. Especially a story about a local family burning to death in a house fire when they were both only in seventh grade.

Stiles didn’t waste any time looking up Derek, finding as much information about him as possible. He was utterly defeated when he realized there was not one photo of Derek online or in the police database. He wished he had just taken the chance and snuck a photo of him. _He would have probably killed me_ , he thought as he recalled Derek’s icy glare when Stiles continued to stare at him.

Stiles yawn, closing his laptop before moving into the bathroom. He leaned against the sink, taking his time as he inspected his soul eye. When it first happened, he hated the blue color. He almost would have prefered to lose his eye than have it change color. But there was a sorrow, as if he was staring into the actual eye of his soulmate. Whoever it was, Stiles could see the pain and heartache kept at bay. Whatever happened, it had hurt his soulmate. And that made him want nothing more than to comfort them. Tell them that it didn’t matter; that they still had each other.

_Mom … Please. Please help me out,_ Stiles tried to plead with heaven, hoping his mom could somehow hear him. _I … I don’t know if you were right or not … But I could really use a sign._

Stiles sighed as he looked away from the blue in the reflection. He wondered if his soulmate ever stared into the mirror, trying to figure out where to find him. Where to find their boring, ordinarily brown eyed soulmate. If they even wanted to find him. And that was the most depressing thought Stiles could ever think of.

~0~0~0~0~0~

A sharp pain tore through Stiles’ eye, causing him to wince and almost cower from it.

“What’s wrong?” Jackson asked when he noticed Stiles almost fold from the pain.

“Nothing,” Stiles lied. “Migraine,” he added in a need to blame his pain on something.

“That has to be one hell of a migraine,” Jackson commented before turning back to look at Scott and Allison.

“Clearly,” Stiles snapped back, covering his eye. He didn’t want it to be true, but he was certain it had happened again. His eye must have changed color. _My soulmate is a dick_ , he thought, bitter if he had to get used to another eye color.

Stiles moved away from the scene, climbing back into Jackson’s porsche. He sat up to look in the mirror before taking his contact out. It took him a few tries, but the contact eventually fell out into his hand. He stared down at his contact, scared for the first time to not see the blue staring back at him. He took a deep breath before sighing, finally looking up in the mirror.

“What the hell … ” Stiles stated as he leaned closer. Instead of the blue, his eye was now a blood red. It was a lot scarier than the gold or blue ever were. “I look like a demon,” he stated before letting out an aggravated groan.

_Wait … the Alpha … The Alpha has red eyes._ Stiles felt the weight of a brick falling in his stomach. _Oh, that’s gross. Someone like Derek’s uncle?! Really?!_ He let his head slam against the wheel of the Porsche, not caring if Jackson would have a hissy fit about it. _Some Alpha, somewhere, is going to be pissed when they find out I’m their soulmate._ He tried not to think of the way Peter hated every fiber of his being, simply because he was a human.

It wasn’t until much later that Stiles even realized that Derek had killed Peter, consuming his Alpha status. He later came to blame Scott for the whole ordeal, however, that did not solve the fact that he still had to deal with a red soul eye. A red soul eye that scared the crap out of him at times.

Stiles found himself sitting in his jeep outside of the police station with the least likely of people. Derek Hale was once again smack dab in the middle of his life. And the fact that Stiles was going to help him break into his dad’s office and illegally free Isaac from the holding cells was about the craziest thing Stiles has ever done. But for some reason, he was fine doing it for Derek.

“Okay, now the keys to every cell are in a password protected lockbox in my father’s office,” Stiles explained as they both observed the officer through the window. “The problem is getting past the front desk,” he explained as he looked at Derek.

“I’ll distract her,” Derek simply replied, opening the door of Stiles’ jeep.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa … You?” Stiles questioned as he grabbed Derek’s shoulder. “You’re not going in there.” He noticed Derek looking from him to his hand, his eyebrows the only indicator that he better remove his hand from refraining Derek, or else. He looked down at where his fingers tightly gripped Derek’s jacket before removing his hand completely. “I’m taking my hand off.” He turned his eyesight to look elsewhere, trying to not make light of the fact that Derek turned back around and gave him the chance to unhand him.

“I was exonerated,” Derek stated.

“You’re still a person of interest,” Stiles almost groaned.

“An innocent person,” Derek replied with equal snap.

“An in—you?” Stiles almost stuttered as he spoke. “Yeah, right!” He tried to push down the laugh to crept up in his throat.

Derek merely shrugged, letting Stiles know that he was going in the Police Station whether he wanted him to or not.

“Okay, fine. What’s your plan?”

“To distract her,” Derek plainly stated.

“Uh-huh. How?” Stiles shook his head a little, knowing Derek had no written out plan. “By punching her in the face?” He made a small, mocking grimace at Derek.

Derek responded with a sarcastic laugh. “By talking to her,” he corrected him.

“Okay, all right. Give me a sample,” Stiles stated. “What are you going to open with?” He turned to look at Derek, waiting to be wooed into letting him enter the Police Station.

Derek looked forward before releasing a heavy sigh, looking back at Stiles.

Stiles replied with an equally heavy sigh when he realized Derek wasn’t going to tell him. “Dead silence. That should work _beautifully_. Any other ideas?”

Derek thoughtfully looked up, as if he was trying to think of another idea before stating, “I’m thinking about punching you in the face.”

Stiles’ mouth dropped open when he realized Derek was being more serious than before. “That’s … that’s rude, Derek,” he finally uttered before he reached for his door handle. He slinked out of his car, adjusting his shirt as he waited for Derek to get out.

“You never stop talking,” Derek explained as they made their way up the stairs.

“You never talk,” Stiles retorted. He paused when Derek halted his footsteps, giving Stiles his typical glare. “I’m just saying, you’re a poor conversationalist. Now please, woo me with your skills,” he motioned to the door of the Police Station, waiting for Derek to enter.

Derek hesitated before shaking his head. He quickly moved, rapidly opening the door, stepping inside without waiting to check if Stiles was following him. Of course, Stiles was almost smack dab against Derek’s back as he shot forward to avoid the door from closing on him.

“Sorry,” Stiles muttered into Derek’s back as he took a step back. He felt a faint blush run through him, making his ears burn in embarrassment at how close he was. Okay, it wasn’t like Stiles was going to lie to himself. He liked Derek. He started crushing on him the minute he dove in front of him to protect him from Peter. And it only made it worse whenever he saw his soul eye. It looked identical to Stiles’ and that gave him hope. He hoped Derek would be the one, but that all was pointless when he saw Derek’s green eye. _So why bother crushing on him still?_

Derek only gave a look at Stiles before walking into the station and straight over to the counter.

“Good evening, how can I help you?” The cop’s tone changed completely when she looked up from her file to see Derek standing in front of her.

“Hi,” Derek greeted her as he put on a dashing smile, full of pearly white teeth and practically shining with brightness.

“Hi,” she replied, seeming confused as to why a guy like Derek would be standing in a police station.

_Because he’s a felon? Because he’s a cocky cock?!_ Stiles angrily thought as he rolled his eyes.

“I had a question,” Derek began. “Sorry, I’m a little … A little thrown. I wasn’t really expecting someone … ” He played up the innocent puppy routine, but Stiles knew he was being as manipulative as he was attractive. _He probably released pheromones. Cheating bastard_ , he thought as he opted to moved quickly past the desk.

“Like me?” The cop replied as she smiled back at Derek, desperately falling for his trick.

“Oh, I was gonna say ‘so incredibly beautiful,’ but, yeah, I guess that’d be the same thing.”

Stiles was thankful he was out of reach from hearing how painfully stupid the flirting was getting. He wished Derek had been identified and was forced to wait for the sheriff to show up. _That would teach him about flirting in a work environment. And flirting with someone who is clearly not his soulmate. Rude_.

Stiles moved into his dad’s office, looking for the lockbox. When he finally found it, he felt his stomach drop when he realized the keys were missing. He moved through the station, making his way towards the holding cell.

Stiles gently rubbed his eye, his contact bothering him as he eye started to water. _Not now, damn it!_ He halted in his steps when he saw one of the cops. _What is his name? Shit!_

“Whoa—Ah—Just looking …” Stiles looked down at the cop’s leg, noticing the end of an arrow sticking out. His brain finally snapped into action. “Oh shit—” he started as he turned to run, only to be pulling backwards by the cop. He tried to yell but the cop’s hand was covering his mouth, making it almost impossible to signal foal play. He tried hitting him as he fought to regain his balance. He lashed out, trying to grab anything that would help him.

That was when he saw the fire alarm. He figured getting a lecture from his dad wasn’t as bad as dying when he reached out and pulled the alarm lever down with his fingertips. And all he could think of was Derek, and that if he was as awesome as he thought he was, he would get his perfect werewolf ass over to him and save him again. _Derek, please for once in your life show up on time!_

The cop didn’t let up as he continued hauling Stiles into the room with the holding cells. He finally released him, enabling Stiles to scramble away from him a little. They were both shocked into stillness when they saw the door to Isaac’s holding cell torn off the hinges.

Stiles quickly scurried to the other side of the room when a feral Isaac threw the cop back into the wall. He watched in uncertainty as Isaac growled at the cop before breaking his arm, causing the syringe to fall from his hand. He easily knocked the cop unconscious before Derek made his untimely arrival.

Derek quickly crushed the syringe beneath his boot, watching the liquid pool around his sole. He looked up at Isaac, knowing he was emitting enough of a scent that even a feral Isaac could tell who Derek was. He, however, did not approve of the look Isaac gave to Stiles. He watched as Isaac’s attention turned from him to Stiles, noticing Stiles squirm against the wall when he realized Isaac was going to attack him.

As Isaac moved towards Stiles, Derek moved in between them, releasing a roar as his eyes morphed into their dominant red and his fangs descended. His roar told Isaac that Derek was the Alpha, and as far as he was concerned, Stiles was off limits to him.

Stiles looked from Derek to Isaac when he noticed Isaac immediately backed off, cowering next to the cop, hiding his face until Derek’s roar stopped. He saw that Isaac’s face returned to normal, hopefully signaling an end to his feral side tonight.

“How did you do that?” Stiles finally asked when he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake. He licked his lips as his breathing grew heavier.

“I’m the alpha,” Derek replied, the closest thing to a cocky grin graced his lips as he turned to face Stiles.

Stiles arched his eyebrows as he looked down at Isaac before looking at Derek. He was surprised when he saw Derek’s eyebrows knit tightly together. “What?” He asked in concern.

“Your eye,” Derek stated.

Stiles reached a hand up to his eye, thinking something else must have happened. “What’s wrong?” He inquired before he scrambled to get his phone out. He took a really hastey selfie before looking at the photo. _Shit! Shit! Shit! My contact!_

“I thought it was gold,” Derek explained, seeming somewhat disappointed.

“Uh, it was. It … changed recently,” Stiles stated, putting his phone away. _It’s not a lie … it happened to change a while ago too_.

“How recently?” Derek asked, not seeming to care about Isaac anymore.

“Um, I don’t know, about—” Stiles was about to make up a certain amount of time when sirens from outside became louder. “You need to get him out of here before someone finds you _and_ him!”

Derek didn’t make a move to get Isaac, confusing Stiles. He was only staring at Stiles, as if he had more questions than anything.

“Derek!” Stiles yelled his name, motioning to Isaac.

Derek hesitated before he nodded, moving to grab Isaac before ushering him out. “We need to talk still,” he almost grumbled to Stiles.

Stiles found himself nodding, unable to shake the shiver that ran up his spine once Derek looked at him. There was something different in Derek’s manner, almost soothing despite his grumble. He found himself still dumbstruck as his father and deputies arrived. His mind was racing with thoughts of Derek, and what he could possibly want to talk to him about.

“He did it,” Stiles stated as he pointed to the unconscious cop when he saw his dad kept looking at him.

“Stiles,” Sheriff Stilinski motioned him to come closer, off to the side so he could speak with him.

“Dad, it’s not—” Stiles started, but he was unable to finish when his dad pulled him in close, cradling his chin in his hand as he inspected his face.

“Look at me,” his dad sternly stated when Stiles avoided eye contact.

“Dad … ” Stiles knew why he wanted to see his eyes, and he wished Derek had dragged him out of there like he had planned. His lie all came tumbling down thanks to Isaac’s stupidity at getting caught. He took a deep breath before finally looking up at his dad.

“What happened?” His dad asked, concern covering his face when he saw the red of Stiles’ left eye.

“It changed,” Stiles weakly offered. He waited until his dad released his chin before continuing. “I don’t know. It just changed from blue to … ” he winced when he realized he stated the truth.

“Blue?” His dad asked in confusion.

“I’ve … been wearing contacts,” Stiles finally confessed. He rubbed the back of his head, knowing he should have had this conversation earlier.

“Jesus, Stiles. When were you going to tell me?” His dad asked as he looked back at his deputies, thankful they were talking amongst themselves, far out of hearing range.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Stiles explained as he stared at the floor.

“You don’t think it worries me more that my son didn’t tell me about his soul eye changing?” The Sheriff crossed his arms, waiting for a reply from Stiles.

“It was right after mom,” Stiles offered. “I just … I didn’t want to hurt you more,” he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Stiles was surprised when his dad pulled him into a hug, his hold tightening as if it was the one thing keeping them alive. He placed his hands against his dad’s back, closing his fists around the material of his jacket.

“I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me,” his dad finally stated. “We’ll figure out what it means.”

_I think I already know what it means_ , Stiles thought as he merely nodded against his father’s shoulder.

And that was how Stiles came to be standing in front of Derek, with Erica, Boyd and Isaac all trying to listen in on their conversation from a distance. A conversation they knew was important when Derek glared at them before barking that they clear out.

“Can’t they hear us from that distance?” Stiles asked as he gestured towards the three of them.

“They haven’t perfected all their abilities yet. And they know better,” Derek replied, turning his head to look at them. Stiles stifled his laughter when they all ducked down in an attempt to avoid Derek’s gaze. “Now,” he turned back to look at Stiles, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long has your eye been red?”

_Right to the point_ , Stiles thought. “Um, for a little more than a week.”

“That means your soulmate became an Alpha recently,” Derek stated. His eyebrows knitted together as he started to think about the ramifications of having another Alpha’s soulmate in close proximity to his pack.

“So, you’re saying my soulmate is a werewolf?” Stiles questioned, placing his hands in his pockets to keep from shaking.

“A born werewolf,” Derek corrected him. He noticed Stiles strain his eyes, as if he was trying to read through what Derek was saying. “Born werewolves are born with golden beta eyes. Our soulmates’ soul eye should have the same color as our wolf eyes.”

“So, your soulmate’s soul eye is red?” Stiles looked at the ground as he asked.

“It would have turned from blue to red, yeah.” Derek shifted his weight as he spoke.

Stiles jerked his head up, staring at Derek. _No. No. Holy hell. No. Derek Hale is not … No. No way. Nuh-uh. I am not his soulmate._

“What?” Derek asked as Stiles continued to stare at him.

“You said born werewolves have golden beta eyes,” Stiles stated. “But your beta eyes were blue,” he gave a small shrug.

Derek released a grunt from his gut as he rolled his eyes, and Stiles knew he didn’t want to talk about it. _Oh, I’m sorry that talking about your soulmate to your soulmate is so difficult. Oh, God. I didn’t just call myself his soulmate._

“My eyes changed in high school,” Derek explained.

“About how long ago are we talking?” Stiles asked. “Say like,” he moved his hand back and forth to make it seem like he was pondering a random number. “Four years ago?”

Derek narrowed his eyes at Stiles’ inquiry. “Yeah.”

Stiles nodded, pretending to be calm. On the inside, however, his mind was running a thousand words per second. _Holy shit. Oh my God. Derek. It’s Derek! It’s always been Derek. How can this be? I have a soulmate! I have a soulmate, ladies and gentlemen, and it is Derek Hale!_

“I don’t know how you will find the Alpha,” Derek stated as he changed the subject. “But maybe they’ll seek you out. They might be thrown off because of me, though.”

Stiles was too busy having his internal celebration, that Derek’s words caught him by surprise. “What?”

“Alphas can sense other Alphas. We don’t move into each other’s territory without getting in contact first. Otherwise it’s an act of war. Hopefully, I won’t scare them off.”

“What about you?” Stiles blurted out, unable to stop himself.

Derek looked at Stiles in surprise, studying his features to see if he was actually asking or merely being a wise ass. “My soulmate died,” he stated.

“What?” Stiles asked in shock. “But you still have your soul eye color!” He argued as he pointed at Derek’s left eye.

“She died,” Derek sternly replied.

“But—”

“You want to know why my eye changed color?” Derek’s voice changed from calm to almost enraged. Stiles could hear the bitterness and anger from over the years weighing it done. “I killed my soulmate. I killed an innocent, so my eye color changed to blue. That’s the reality.”

Stiles stared at Derek, not knowing what to say or do. _No, you didn’t … I’m right here_ , he wanted to confess. “Then,” he finally got the courage to reply, his voice partially cracking. “Why is your soul eye still brown?”

“My body thought the soul eye dying was a wound. It triggered my healing process,” Derek stated, sounding as if he bored with the conversation. Bored with Stiles.

“Okay,” Stiles weakly replied.

They never spoke about either of their soulmates again. Stiles was still wanted to confess to Derek that his eye was once a beautiful blue. A beautiful blue that he once hated, but now knowing it once belonged to Derek made him wish he had it back. The red was the least comforting out of the three colors, but he wouldn’t give it up. He wouldn’t give up Derek. He knew deep down that Derek must have been his soulmate. It would explain the spark he always felt whenever they gently touched; whether it was offering a hand to help him up, or smacking him in an attempt to wake him, Stiles always felt a small spark run through them. He felt it when they were stranded in the pool, when he placed his hand on Derek’s shoulder as a small comfort after Boyd’s death. It wasn’t until Derek sacrificed his Alpha spark for Cora that Stiles knew he had to tell him; had to make him see that his soulmate was alive and well, and standing right in front of him.

“I have to tell him, Scott,” Stiles stated.

“Unless you plan on wearing red contacts for the rest of your life,” Scott offered.

“No,” Stiles rejected the idea. “I’ve hid long enough, you know?” He was staring at the mirror in Scott’s bathroom. He leaned on the sink as he studied the blue again. “I used to hate this color,” he admitted.

“But you love it now?” Scott asked from his spot on the edge of his bed.

“Yeah,” Stiles admitted in defeat. He released a deep sigh before pushing away from the sink. “But it’s time to give it back to Derek, I guess.”

"I can't believe you're going to kiss Derek," Scott stated. He hid his laughter when Stiles threw a pillow at him.

"Hopefully I'll be kissing him a lot more than once, so get used to it," Stiles stated as he marched out of Scott's room.

And that was how Stiles came to be standing in front of Derek, nervously picking at his fingernails as he tried to not shy away from Derek’s stare.

“Hey,” Stiles awkwardly greeted him. “Can we talk?”

Derek only nodded in response, moving to let Stiles into the loft. He stared at Stiles as he moved by him, still in shock at seeing his soul eye’s beta blue color. _His_ beta blue.

Stiles scanned the loft, uncertain if he should be here. If Derek really did think his soulmate died, then it maybe it would be better. Maybe Derek didn’t want a soulmate. And then a dreadful feeling began to sink in: what if Derek didn’t want _him_ as a soulmate?

“What happened?” Stiles asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Derek questioned as he moved to close the loft’s door. He moved forward, passing Stiles in favor of leaning against the armrest of the couch.

“It’s the same thing,” Stiles admitted, clenching his fists as he dug his heels down, determined to not run away. “Because you’re not an Alpha anymore,” he stated. Apparently, nothing could phase him now, not even Derek looking at him in surprised. “You’re a beta, again. And I would appreciate it if you stopped flipping back and forth, because the soul eye is a bitch when it changes,” he tried making light of the fact that he was admitting to being Derek’s soulmate.

“Your eye was beta gold when we met,” Derek stated, not allowing himself the chance to hope that it was real. He wasn’t going to let himself hope against fate, and believe that for once his life wasn’t a downward spiral of shitty luck.

“I was wearing a contact,” Stiles explained. “I’ve been wearing contacts since sixth grade.”

“That’s why you knew my eye changed color then,” Derek stated as he started to fill in the blanks.

“Yeah, it scared the hell out of me,” Stiles released a nervous laugh as he spoke. “I thought you … I thought I’d never get to meet you.”

“Why did you lie to me?” Derek asked. He tried to maintain his anger, but it built every second it took for Stiles to respond. He wanted to know why he didn’t tell him; why he continued to let him believe his soulmate was dead. _Why let me hope that you were the one, when you knew you were the entire time?_

“You said your soulmate was dead. And it scared me. Scared me that you didn’t want a soulmate.” Stiles felt foolish now that he thought about it.

“I didn’t think I had one anymore,” Derek replied.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles stated.

“For letting me think I was alone?” Derek bitterly asked.

“Don’t you think I felt alone?” Stiles asked back. “Don’t you think I was terrified when I was told there was no such thing as a person with gold eyes? Being taunted when I was a kid that I’d never have anyone, because my soul eye is a freak, wasn’t exactly a fantastic way to spend my life.” He watched Derek shy away from him, staring off in the distance to avoid looking at him. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t tell you because I was scared.”

“I’m not mad at you, Stiles,” Derek finally stated, rubbing his hands over his face.

“You’re not?” Stiles asked, hopeful that Derek really didn’t feel anger.

“No,” Derek admitted. “I am, however, sorry that you’re stuck with my soul.” He sounded defeated, as if he didn’t have anything to fight for anymore.

Stiles wasn’t sure how to respond. He shuffled his weight from foot to foot before he finally figured that it couldn’t hurt to pour his soul out. _What’s the worse that could happen? He rejects me and we both never find happiness. It’s his fault then. I can at least blame him._ “I hated my gold eye. For a long time,” he started, watching Derek nod in agreement with him. “And for it, I hated you. Before I even knew who you were, I hated you, because I blamed you for doing this to me,” he motioned to his left eye as he spoke. “And then when it changed, I was terrified,” he wrapped his arms around his stomach, recalling the fear that threatened to bile up when he thought his soulmate—his Derek—had died. “I was so scared that you died. I went from hating something I had, to begging God that what I lost would still be there when I looked in the mirror.

“And when I looked, I saw this cold blue staring back at me. I hated the blue even more, because it took the gold away. So, I hid it away from the world.” He watched Derek, noticing he didn’t look up at him once. “I spent hours staring in the mirror, year after year, thinking that maybe if I studied it enough, somehow I would figure out what happened; what it meant. But the longer I stared at it, the more I fell in love with it … with _you_. Because that blue meant that you were still alive, and that you were still mine.”

Derek lifted his head, looking at Stiles for the first time. He looked confused and hopeful, a mixture that made him look like a frightened child, waiting to hear the outcome of a catastrophe.

“Sometimes, when I couldn’t sleep, I would lay in my bed and just stare into my mom’s old handheld mirror. I would study every part of my soul eye, committing its details to memory. And I wouldn’t feel alone anymore, because I had a piece of you with me,” Stiles cleared his throat, hoping he wasn’t sounding creepy in his confession. “I could see the pain and suffering that happened to you after your … _our_ eyes changed. And I just wanted to comfort you, but it only made me angrier when I realized that the likelihood I would find you was slim to none. But then there you were. Just standing right in front of me, looking like a serial killer.”

Derek gave him a slight glare at that comment.

“To be fair, you were lurking and the murders were happening as you got back in town,” Stiles placed his hands up in a placated manner.

“I was positive you were the one, that day,” Derek finally replied, looking down at his hands as he spoke. “I was actually happy to see you, even if you were a spastic kid,” he faintly smiled when he heard Stiles vocal disapproval of his nickname. There was a slight chuckle in his voice as he added, “The warm, whiskey brown eye with a swirl of honey.”

An unknown force pulled at Stiles’ heart when he heard Derek describe his eye color. It was like he was describing something worthy of beautiful description. _Like a Monet._ Stiles never gave his eye color second thought, but his soul eye? He could vividly describe it to a blind person and make them weep from the detail.

“But then I saw the gold, and that was the worst feeling in the world,” Derek added, looking up at Stiles. “The thought of finding your other half. Only to have it all crushed in a single moment, by an eye color.” He finally stood up straight, pushing his hands into his pockets. “It only made it worse the more determined you became to help the pack. I could pretend I was fine, fool everyone else, but every time you popped up,” he shook his head. “You always managed to duck under my defenses. Like you spent years crawling through the window into my soul.

“Even when I didn’t care if I lived or died, I thought about you,” Derek confessed as he took a step towards Stiles. “How I couldn’t let you down; how, if I died, a little piece of you would die with me. I tried to convince myself that you weren’t my soulmate, but I always knew. Somehow, I knew,” he took another step closer, keeping his eyes on Stiles. He was ready to watch him bolt out the loft, but all Stiles did was stand there like a deer in headlights, drinking in every word Derek said. “Every stolen glance, gentle touch,” he reached his hand up to cup Stiles’ cheek in his open palm. “They kept me thinking that maybe I was wrong. That maybe after all my running away, you had finally found me.”

“And I don’t want to let you go,” Stiles managed to say without his voice breaking. “Derek, I don’t want to be looking in a mirror for the rest of my life,” he stated as his heartbeat quickened at the thought of having Derek by his side. He imagined being able to turn over in bed, open his eyes, and see Derek’s eyes looking back at him; to see the pair of eyes his soul eye belonged to; his soul belonged to. “I want to be looking in your eyes instead, trying to figure _you_ out instead of some eye color.”

Derek paused as he thought about the outcome. It didn’t matter what Derek could possibly try and argue, because every time he tried to think of a reason against being with Stiles, it didn’t matter. _Because it’s Stiles. He’s real. He’s my soulmate, and I’m his._ He finally nodded in agreement. He was taken by surprise when Stiles suddenly pushed up onto the balls of his feet, slamming their lips together in a very uncoordinated kiss. He chuckled slightly when Stiles attempted to assert a dominance in the kiss through making himself taller.

Stiles didn’t know what he was doing, besides most likely screwing up his first kiss with Derek. But he didn’t care, not when he could finally have his hands on him. He repressed his desire to whine in protest when Derek broke their kiss. They rested their foreheads together before Stiles finally opened his eyes, smiling when Derek did the same.

Stiles felt his breath catch in his throat when he saw Derek’s eyes. Derek was allowing his beta eyes to shine their bright blue back at Stiles. He could feel the blue draining from his soul eye, being replaced in Derek's. It was everything he could hope for and more. _This is real. Derek is real!_ He smiled as he thanked every deity he could think of for making this moment possible.

“There you are,” Stiles almost murmured to himself as he gazed into the familiar blue.

“You’re not disappointed?” Derek asked.

“No,” Stiles replied. “You’re my soulmate. _My_ soulmate.” He hesitated before he asked, “Are you disappointed?”

Derek shook his head slightly. “No. I’ve been looking for you for too long,” he stated, gently brushing his fingertips through Stiles’ hair as he continued to look in his eyes. “You’re perfect.”

_Perfect_ , Stiles thought, smiling at Derek’s words. That was what Stiles had waited his whole life to hear, from the one person that mattered. _His_ soulmate, accepting him for who he was and cherishing every ounce of him, as much as he loved him.

_Hey, mom. You were right! I found him and he is perfect. You would love him. I guess now you have two people to look out for. Thank you for not letting me give up. Love you, mom._

~*~

Fanart by [artisticpixie](http://artisticpixie.tumblr.com/), originally posted [here](http://artisticpixie.tumblr.com/post/131356736512/hi-i-was-reading-your-sterek-fic-a-window-into)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to join me on tumblr:
> 
> [drunklightning](http://drunklightning.tumblr.com) is my blog where I reblog anything I find of interest.
> 
> [dexterous-sinistrous](http://dexterous-sinistrous.tumblr.com) is suited towards my ramblings about my writing, and NSFW. (It's where I serenade myself about Sterek). It's my trashcan of emotions. Feel free to stop by and say hi, criticize me, make incoherent noises with me, whatevs.
> 
> [Send](http://dexterous-sinistrous.tumblr.com/ask) me any prompts you think you'd like to have me write!


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